(1) Preface
I experienced a wonderful bullshit session
But this margin is too small to write it down
——@ooCast
(May contain various ads)
(2)
One afternoon I had a meaningful BS session with my roommates,
At the time I felt that if I didn’t write it down, I wouldn’t be able to focus on my thesis,
but after weighing it I decided my thesis was way more important,
so it wasn’t until I finished my thesis that I started recording this dorm conversation.
My memory and writing skills aren’t great, please bear with me.
(3) Renting
So recently we’ve been signing tripartite agreements, and I went with Zhou Cheng to the student service center to submit forms.
On the way I asked Zhou Cheng about renting,
and we griped to each other about how expensive renting really is —
if you want to live close to your company it’s 2k~3k a month.
And Zhou Cheng is lazy, he wants to rent at Mushroom Apartments, which is another 1k extra.
Couldn’t help sighing that working ten years in Modu (Shanghai),
a ton of money will be eaten up by housing,
and buying a place here really isn’t worth it.
So we discussed the possibility of working ten years and then bailing with the money,
the main issues are 2:
Very likely going back home at thirty still single
Whether there are matching jobs after going back
Zhou Cheng thinks issue #1 is no big deal since the matchmaking market is so developed now,
he thinks by then he’ll be a quality middle-aged man with house, car, single, and no bad habits
The second issue is more melancholy,
because he checked, in Malanpo there’s only one place hiring Python programmers:
Mango TV.
(4) Graduation Jobs
After returning to the dorm, I asked Xiao Lai what his plans are.
Xiao Lai said he didn’t get an ideal offer for going abroad, so he wants to gap a year, do internships.
Zhou Cheng and I egged him on to ask us for referrals. Xiao Lai asked how much per day,
we told him intern pay is similar, basically 180/d, what’s important is the salary after converting to full-time.
Xiao Lai said he won’t convert to full-time, so it doesn’t matter.
After a moment he couldn’t help asking “how much are code monkeys like us worth?”
So we launched into a discussion, and reached the conclusion:
Based on current conditions, first year is basically between 100k/y and 240k/y
A normal code monkey after three years can get a few hundred-k yearly salary
Even at worst, learn some C++ or Java, you can get half-dog (150k/y) per month
But very few code monkeys can get a million yearly salary (Zhou Cheng: only three on Zhihu)
“Come on, let’s look at jobs” the three of us huddled in front of the monitor and quietly opened Caoliu…
Whoops… wrong site, so we closed Caoliu,
and quietly opened Ganji, Zhilian, Lagou, JobDeer, and various internet company HR pages
(5) Career Direction
Searching online, sure enough most jobs are like Java developer, 10k/m, requiring three years experience.
Then we griped about how requiring work experience for programmers is too ridiculous,
since some people just copy-paste-compile-fix-bug in a loop for three years.
We thought the salary was too low, decisively clicked Advanced Search -> Filter -> Monthly Salary > 50k
The positions that came out included: product manager, China region general manager of MeiX, chief architect, blablabla.
We looked at each other,
“After a few years are we all going to have to switch to management?”
Xiao Lai said he won’t accept this, he wants to be a badminton coach (Xiao Lai: every time I go to South Sports the coach seems weak)
Zhou Cheng and I praised him: “Look, badminton is a great sport, many bai-fu-mei (rich pretty girls) love it. Maybe you’ll catch one!”
So we searched online for badminton coach salaries: 6k a month.
Xiao Lai said he’d just stay a programmer then.
(6) Where the Money Goes
Optimistic me said it’s okay, although we don’t earn much, we don’t spend much either,
like our social expenses will be much less than others.
Zhou Cheng: not necessarily, we buy games
Xiao Lai: games don’t cost much
Zhou Cheng: no no no, although a game is only tens of dollars, many of them are pretty expensive
Me: this is still less money than social activities…
Zhou Cheng: and people where I’m from go for foot massages every day
Me and Xiao Lai: huh?!?!?
Zhou Cheng said where he’s from foot massage is a kind of entertainment activity,
it’s like 100-200 per person per session…
Xiao Lai said this cost-performance ratio is terrible, might as well go for da-bao-jian (escort services).
So we opened Dianping and found that da-bao-jian in Minhang is only 300 a time.
I said this is neither comfortable nor safe,
might as well invest in future marriage.
(7) Mate Selection
I asked “how much is the bride price usually where you guys are from?”
Zhou Cheng: “Huh? You still need bride price? Why? Even an equal marriage needs bride price?”
Xiao Lai: “Where I’m from there’s always bride price, after all you’re marrying off a daughter.”
Zhou Cheng: “Well my mom is marrying off a son too? Why don’t I get bride price…”
Me: “Then you can be a ‘ru-zhui’ (live-in son-in-law), no bride price for that”
Zhou Cheng: “What’s a ru-zhui…?”
Xiao Lai: “It means publicly claiming that you married into her family, then you live at the girl’s house”
Zhou Cheng: “That nice?! Sounds great! No problem”
Xiao Lai: “Right, and the kids take the mother’s family name”
Me: “Ah, I took my mom’s family name, is that all the criteria for ru-zhui?”
Xiao Lai: “Hmm, seems like just that…”
A silence ensued…… (analyzing pros and cons)
Zhou Cheng said actually not getting married is fine, just doesn’t fulfill the purely biological function of carrying on the family line,
if he really gets old and still has no wife, he’ll just go donate sperm!
So we went to the famous American sperm bank fairfaxcryobank to take a look.
(8) Food
Mid-conversation, Yuxiang came back.
Since he’s a native of Shanghai, we griped that he has a base in Modu, theoretically has an advantage.
Yuxiang griped back that actually he works in the lower-left corner, home is in the upper-right corner, he also has to rent.
Speaking of renting, Zhou Cheng got gloomy again:
how do you handle food in the future?
We said now Eleme is so developed, just order takeout in the future,
and cooking yourself isn’t necessarily cheaper than takeout.
If that doesn’t work, just hire a little housekeeper, maybe a beautiful relationship will develop.
But hiring a little housekeeper is so expensive!
Yuxiang said this kind of thing is as unreliable as the “programmer encouragement girl”:
“If someone talks next to me while I’m writing code, I’d definitely want to bash her to death”
Indeed,
when doing object-oriented programming you don’t need other objects.
——Recording a Meaningful BS Session
10 PM on June 12, 2015